I just strode out into the middle of the intersection and got in the center. I don't know if you know, but there is a little spot in the center of every intersection where no one drives. It is full of dirt and coins and stuff. I stood there and started waving cars to go, and stopping the others with my hands. I had a fierce stop that could stop any car dead in it's tracks. Instead of 1 car at a time I could get 10 thru, then turning cars, then switch directions. It was tremendously more efficient with me that without me and this made me feel good about doing it. I got a lot of happy honks and waves. Many people yelled "thank you" and some looked at me dumbly. A few I saw taking pictures or video of me. I was pretty excited and waving my arms hugely like Peter Townshend. Giant windmill circles to get cars to do what I wanted. I hopped around a lot and I was yelling at the cars what I wanted them to do. Lots of pointing and waving. Afterwards people who saw me do it said I was really really good at it and asked if I had had training to do it.
After 20 minutes a cop showed up. I figured he would come replace me or arrest me, so I waved at him. He didn't walk out so I yelled/asked if he'd like me to come to him. He picked the latter. So switched traffic direction and went over to him. He parked in one of the turn lanes, which blocked traffic, and seemed sort of a dick move. And he was arresting me. Yup. Hands behind my back, against the car, he took everything out of my pockets, and all the while I was very friendly and answered all his questions pleasantly. By the time he had me get in the cop car I think he had grasped that I was just a very nice guy who was helping with the traffic. All the while, the people at the bus stop and crosswalks were booing and yelling at him that I was doing a good job and to leave me alone. He drove me all of 300 ft around the corner and just up past the intersection (now blocking a different lane of traffic, again WTF). He got out and a bunch of my advocates chased him down and were yelling at him. I waved and signaled that I was okay, and this was all cool. And the officer walked over and explained procedure to them and calmed them down. I kinda figured from the get go I could get arrested for this (at least my roommate knew where I was) and I was prepared and okay with that outcome. Anyhoo, the cop talked to me for awhile. Very nice fellow. He informed me that I had generated eleven 911 calls in the 20 minutes I directed traffic. I think people were concerned there was an accident and didn't understand what I was doing. That made sense. I told the officer I understood and appreciated his efforts, and got him to clarify what exactly was illegal about what I was doing, so I would know not to do it anymore. You can't stand in the middle of intersections it turns out. And apparently neither could he. His cop friends pulled up and parked their cars, and came up to his window to talk. He painted a rather polite picture of my efforts, and they all commiserated that the union that directs traffic was doing a crap job covering this situation and the city of West Hollywood was botching it all to heck. Ahhhhhh. I had expected him or his buddies to direct traffic instead of wasting time on me, but alas, they couldn't. Before the officer let me go, I checked in to see whether I had been "arrested" or "apprehended" and he informed me that I had been merely "detained" which does not sound nearly as cool. Disappointing right?
But no, not being arrested is good news, and better news is that I didn't cause any accidents or get hit by a car. The best news is that I made a difference, and the fun part was that I enjoyed doing it and people really appreciated my efforts. Plus now I have a sweet cop story to tell. Carpe was diem'd and my life sure is fun!
